As is usual, many things have happened between now and when last I made a post. Some birthdays in the family have come and gone, news of pregnancy for other family members has spread, my first School Advisory Council meeting has been attended, Kindergarten Open House for my son has come and gone, and the official end of a degree has been put behind me in place of pursuing the next. There's even been a death in the family. The world turns, changes come and go, and life moves on.
And I'm not exactly sure why, maybe it's the facing of mortality through the loss of a loved one, or maybe it's just because of the Holiday season around the corner, but I've felt an overwhelming need to connect with people. Friends. Family. Loved ones. I've even acted on these urges to reach out and connect, but have come to find disappointing silence from the other end in my efforts. I started by attempting to contact a cousin I hadn't seen or heard from since I was the tender naive age of 13, and did so by finding him through Facebook. More than anything I remembered how big of an influence he was in my life at such a young age, and wanted to thank him for the music he exposed me to that later became the serviceable nutcracker that would shatter my secluded sheltered-ness in later teen years. I sent him a message describing his involvement in molding who I am today, and extended an invitation to stay connected via Facebook. Over a month later and he still has yet to respond. I was disappointed when two weeks had come and gone without reply from him, but I wasn't willing to give up on the thought so easy, and messaged his sister much the same way I did him. I sent my other cousin a bit of a message, and ended it with an old scanned photo of us all together when I was a wee lass just to prove to her that I wasn't some crazy random person off the street (because I was full aware there was a possibility neither of them would clearly remember who I am after so many years of lost contact.) I still have yet to hear from her as well. I have to admit, there's a certain dampening to the spirits when the extended family you love and miss don't even bother with so much as a "hello" or even a "we grew up without you, get lost." Silence... it can be one of the most precious gifts and still have the capacity to kill without remorse.
Feeling deflated with my attempts to reconnect with certain family members, I eventually decide to start a little closer to home. I try not to be a bother, I know friends and family lead terribly busy lives, and so I try to remain scarce so that I don't make a nuisance of myself. My efforts seem to be met with about as much success there as well though, as the one friend I am capable of hearing from the least, rarely answers when I send a quiet hello their way. If it weren't for the incredibly busy schedule my friend keeps, I think I wouldn't be able to help but naturally feel as though I am more easily ignored than spoke to. I try to reassure myself that silence is based purely on lack of time to entertain a young lady in conversation, and move on.
Still feeling the need to reach out to old friends, I decide to do something a little... crazier you might say. I have wonderful recollections of some of the friends I made even as far back as middle school and lost touch with, and decided I would try my hand at relocating one in particular to try and reconnect with. I start out with some basic name searches on Facebook and on Myspace even though I never use Myspace anymore, but come up short of solid results. I remembered a first and last name, but it took me a while to recollect a middle. My memory for this was jogged when I did a basic Google search for just his fist and last, and then found results with more than one "Josh Renfrow" on a people finder website. The website offered up full name, age, and current city of location, but was one of those places that charged for anything else more specific. The Joshua Glenn Renfrow I remembered only had one listing under this name, and showed his age to be a year older than I am, which my friend was. The city it showed current residency for I vaguely remembered him talking about moving to back when we were in school together right before I moved away. All the puzzle pieces fit together, or at least seemed to, but how would I know for sure? Rather than opt to pay for the information, I did a bit more sleuthing of my own, and checked the white pages online to see if perhaps I could find him this way. After all, I wasn't about to spend near thirty dollars on information when I wasn't even completely certain this was the Josh I was looking for. Luck finally seemed to be on my side, because my search for a full name in the current city location revealed to me on the first site came up with only one result. Could this be the Josh I was looking for? The white pages offered an address and a phone number. I would have preferred trying to reach him through electronic means, but then I realize how easy it is to delete an email from a name you don't know, or how easy it is to simply ignore a message from a stranger through some chat client or social networking site. I certainly wasn't going to call. I hate phones as it is, and what would I say? "Hi! My name is _____ and you probably don't remember me, but we might have gone to school together as kids. Did you ever live in _____ back in middle school? No, I'm not a stalker, this is not a survey. Seriously, I'm not trying to sell you anything I'm just trying to....*click*....." No, phone calls from strangers can go terribly wrong. This left me with but one option then.
Resigned to going forward, I sat down and wrote a letter the old fashioned way. I made it as brief as possible, and for my own protection gave little more than my name and email address for contact information. After all, I may be crazy for sending a letter to a potential stranger, but I'm not reckless. I didn't even put my return address on the envelope. I was concerned however. If I didn't put SOMETHING on the outside of the letter to make it interesting enough to want to open and read, it could just as easily be tossed aside like a piece of junk mail never to be read and promptly thrown out. I had to do something to make it blatantly obvious that my piece of mail was coming from an actual person, and not some generated newsletter that happened to have a hand written address on the front, or a bill of some sort, or any other thing that it wasn't. I decided then to put my artistic talents to use, and drew a little something on the left side of the envelope to take up space. I even went as far as to give it color by coloring it all in with colored pencil. The picture was of a small sack-boy styled doll sitting on the edge of a cardboard box holding a sign up that said "Please Read Me". Another little sack boy doll was drawn hanging from the corner of the box, and another was drawn hanging half way upside down from the top of the envelope. They looked a little creepy and scary, but I recall my friend having an appreciation even back when we were kids for horror, so thought to myself if this was my Josh, he would find amusement with the art on the front. If nothing it at least draws attention to the envelope and in no way looks like something that a bill collector might send.
I placed the letter in our mailbox to be picked up by the mail man just this past Saturday, and the new week has only just started today. I don't expect the possibility of receiving an emailed response until later in the week, if at all, but I have my hopes up. If anything I at least hope he reads the letter and gives it some consideration. I made the request that even if I had not reached the correct person to perhaps send me a line anyway so that I had some closure. I hope that no matter what the case is, he complies with my request. Like I said, silence kills, and I'd hate not knowing for sure one way or another. Time will tell at this point.
